To Sing Frogs Chapter 4c

You get the photo, you agree to move forward, you begin to attach, and then…

I hate talking about death. That’s what happened though. At least it felt like they died. Amy quickly realized what so many others have discovered about Russia. It’s nothing if not frigid and severe. Kemerovo, Siberia would not allow for simultaneous adoptions of biologically unrelated children. If we decided to adopt this pair of siblings we would not be able to add another girl.

At first I thought the connection had been lost when I picked up the phone and was met by silence. It was three or four days after Amy had put up the pictures of what she had begun to refer to as “our kids from Russia.” I let her lead me in too, even though I knew better. Just as I was about to hang up I heard the sob. I knew what was going on before she said anything. Finally—between more sobs and sniffles—my wife blurted out what I had already divined. Then it came. “Please don’t make me give them up! Please. Please!”

Amy was acting as if I was forcing the death of these children. How was it my fault? Then I realized it was my fault because I was the one who knew better. I don’t mean I was being unfairly blamed. If I could have stopped the situation before it went this far and chose not to, it was clear to me where the error was. That didn’t make it easier.

The family business, White Knight was my tool for creating money to help with the world’s poverty problems in whatever small way it could. I hadn’t intended for my family unit to serve the same purpose. I saw our family as something completely selfish that Amy and I did for us. Actually, I don’t think my view is much different from any other parent’s.

The decision to adopt someone with special needs—when we added Jack—was somewhat of an exception. Still, Jack had an unspoken policy of no sobbing body left un-hugged and no tear left un-dried. That along with his constant singing of The Birthday Song and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer brought a whole other pleasant and happy dimension to our family. The love Jack gives can only be described as monumental and unconditional.

I felt like what we were doing with money from White Knight and what we had done with Jack—regardless of the unintended rewards we received—was enough.

I asked myself if my dream of wanting two daughters while keeping a reasonably sized family was too much. I really didn’t think so. Still, it seemed fate itself was against such a scenario. If fate was my enemy in the fulfillment of reasonable desires, then I would go to war regardless of my chances of victory.

Amy and I had made our decision on what we would do, together. Now she wanted to change the agreement. My first thought was I should have trashed the picture the first time I saw it up. If things had worked out she could have put it back. She had no business getting attached so soon anyway. The adoption agency had pounded that fact into our brains. Better I had hurt her feelings and slept on the couch for a couple of nights than what was going to happen now.